


in another world

by nereid



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 01:57:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4121883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nereid/pseuds/nereid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It hurts sometimes how this earth is a better canvas for her than his own mind is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in another world

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ivyspinners](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ivyspinners/gifts).



He wishes sometimes, in between the inhumans drama, incessant carving, undercover ops and less undercover ops, that he wanted a different life, a not-this-one sort of life. A mortgage and a 9 to 5 job and all that jazz. A life that would feel like a curtain, a wall, a blanket, a safety net, anything other than this. A life that didn't feel like a high speed chase that he knows will eventually end with his guts sprawled across the interstate, because Phil may be many things, but he's not _that_ delusional.

 

And, well, he does, to be honest. He wishes.

 

He wishes, for this other life, and he even fantasizes about it sometimes. Sometimes. Never during daylight or when he's working (and he's almost always working) but he squeezes time for this into his waking hours with the sort of discipline and reverence he does most things these days and when he thinks about this life, he also thinks about May. Not Agent May, then, in his head, never with the A word, the word that's stopping him from thinking about this during his work hours, never Agent. Just May. Or Melinda even, if he's feeling very brave. Mels, if he's feeling suicidal. (In his head, he calls her Mels and she stretches out her leg and kicks him out of their bed. He pulls the covers away from her when he's on his feet again and she giggles and promises she'll make him pay for it.) In this world, when the May in his head threatens, it means he'll have to cook lunch or carpool. In the real world, May threatening anyone, well - it's different. And gentle, she's very gentle with him, this non-Agent May who he calls Mels - this May, the Agent May, does not kick gently.

 

And this reality, it's so tantalizingly close to the life in his head sometimes and it hurts sometimes when reality supplies images for his fantasies. It hurts sometimes how this earth is a better canvas for her than his own mind is. May in that silver dress and high heels, May dancing and his hand on her back, May whispering into his hear. May who has his back no matter what. And he's weak and terrible, and this shouldn't be in his head, but maybe the fact that May hates coffee doesn't stop him from wishing she'd go have that coffee with him, you know, metaphorical coffee.

 

The worst part of all of this, maybe, he thinks at about 01:11 lying in his bed, because his scheduled fantasy time today is between 01:10 and 01:15, is that he can almost see it play out in his head. The pieces of the puzzle, in the grand scheme of things of this world, the different courses of events that may have given him that reality. He doesn't know if he'd like it better if the possibility felt more distant. Or maybe, in its own way, that would've been even worse.

 

 

May told him once or twice she'd have them relocate to the Australian outback in a worst case scenario. He didn't go crazy and she didn't move with him to Australia, and that's good, because the worst case scenario didn't happen. He just wishes that he didn't need the worst case scenario for him and her to 

 

\--

 

His bedside clock shows 01:16.


End file.
